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Here’s the best way to fix a weak story. I learned this method from story guru Lisa Cron, and it really helps.
Streamline it down to one person, one problem and one point.
Not lots of people, not many problems, not a laundry list of points.
Just one of each. Then explain how that one person, one problem and one point symbolize the essence of your organization. Ask for help to support more people like the one you described. And thank donors for the change they make possible for people like that.
It’s that easy. And that hard!